gratitude/sponsership

Gratitude list.

• Having a sponsee in my life

• To know how to listen to my HP

• That most times I choose not to deny what my HP is telling me

• That I can go home early when hanging out with friends. (I was always the last person to leave at parties)

• That I finally got some cash so I can eat!

• Joe & Charlie big book tapes

• That I can feel myself growing & changing

• I can help my dad in time of need.

• I can be a daughter among daughters

• & A woman of honor & dignity.

Yesterday I had the first real sit down with my sponsee. Gave her some things to do for step one, & we both told each other parts of our stories. I told her a bit about the history of AA & how it started. My sponsor never did this with me, & a lot of people think it’s a waste of time to sit down with someone so new & talk about the history. However I think it is very important. In the service Manual Bill W always refers to Alcoholics Anonymous as a society. We are a society. & I think anyone in any society needs to know its history. Now don’t get me wrong I hardly bombarded her with information. I just gave her the short version on how AA came together, about the Oxford Group, & about bill & bobs meeting. Because that explains why her & I are sitting down together, & why I have asked her that when & if she gets through the steps, to pass it on to someone else. Because that is how AA works.

four questions

If I can answer these four questions at any given time, then I am doing exactly what I am supossed to be.

1.Whats your home group? Cambridge welcome all. Monday nights. 7pm
2.Who is your sponser? Rachel
3.What step are you working? 4
4.What is your service position? GSR for districs 15&16. ICYPAA boston bid Outreach chair.

"The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action." p.17 of the big book.

I have a hot date with my HP. yep.

Self-knowledge will not keep me sober/midtown

“Your best thinking got you here.”

Why yes it did. I cannot rely upon my own will; I will get drunk if I do. Individuals get drunk, not groups. I cant we can. That is the truth. I tried for my first year thinking my way into recovery. That based on self-knowledge and a few meetings a month I could stay sober. I did stay sober, but boy was I miserable. And when my boyfriend of a higher power dumped me, I was very close to a drink.

Self-knowledge will not keep me sober & happy. I got sober to be happy & healthy, not to continue to wake up wanting to die.

So when I hear speakers analyze there drinking, or there sobriety, thinking they figured out some deep intellectual reason why they drank, I just laugh & say a prayer for them. It doesn’t matter if your parents beat you, or if you had a great childhood. Why spend time focusing on something you have no control over? All I know is I cannot take a drink in safety. That’s it.



In other news…
I am not much of an AA gossip. I’m here to save my ass. However I find this interesting. If you are from DC, or know about the Midtown group I suggest you check out this myspace page. I don’t have much of an opinion on it since I have never attended the group, but people I know & highly respect who have been there agree much with the opinions expressed on the mysapce page. Check it out.
The fall of the midtown group

ah

I am so blessed to have a sponsee that is so willing. She really keeps me on my toes.

Fears list

My sponsor has me do a “fears list” anytime I am resentful at something, or having trouble with something. I thought I would show you guys, I love it. It really helps to get things like this out on paper. When I found out my dad was sick I did one, & I realized that all my fears where around him dying, when in reality I had no basis to think he was going to die. Reading them out loud to another alkie showed me that I had not reason yet to fear his death & that I was getting worked up for no reason. My fear then subsided to a normal level & I was able to be by his side & be a daughter among daughters.

So this is how it goes.

Dear God,


I am resentful at (insert person, place, thing, situation)

I have fear that (insert fear)
(Continue to write, “I have fear that…”)


(At the end of the list of fears write this)
God, I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.

Anyway I thought I would share that with you all! Hope it helps. I usually call another women in the program & read it to her & then tear it up.

gratitude & such

I need to do a gratitude list. I have been feeling a little off center these past few days. I love that all the sober bloggers do gratitude lists, like Attitude of Gratitude said it keeps him centered. Some days I need some re-centering.

• other young sober people
• I have a roof over my head even if it is not where I want to be
• I can make good choices for myself
• I have a beautiful connection with my HP
• That the hair I cut off will grow back (hehe)
• I can look people in the eye
• a woman asked me to be her sponser last night
• that I am confident I have something good to give away
• & that I can pass this beautiful way of life on to someone else
• that I have tools in my life i can use to just be ok!!

I am so psyched to start working with this new girl. That I can bring her to the steps, it is such a gift to help someone else. That everything I have gone through in my life has purpose.