Thy Will, Not mine

gratitude/sponsership

2007-02-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

Gratitude list.

Having a sponsee in my life

To know how to listen to my HP

That most times I choose not to deny what my HP is telling me

That I can go home early when hanging out with friends. (I was always the last person to leave at parties)

That I finally got some cash so I can eat!

Joe & Charlie big book tapes

That I can feel myself growing & changing

I can help my dad in time of need.

I can be a daughter among daughters

& A woman of honor & dignity.

Yesterday I had the first real sit down with my sponsee. Gave her some things to do for step one, & we both told each other parts of our stories. I told her a bit about the history of AA & how it started. My sponsor never did this with me, & a lot of people think it’s a waste of time to sit down with someone so new & talk about the history. However I think it is very important. In the service Manual Bill W always refers to Alcoholics Anonymous as a society. We are a society. & I think anyone in any society needs to know its history. Now don’t get me wrong I hardly bombarded her with information. I just gave her the short version on how AA came together, about the Oxford Group, & about bill & bobs meeting. Because that explains why her & I are sitting down together, & why I have asked her that when & if she gets through the steps, to pass it on to someone else. Because that is how AA works.

four questions

2007-02-01T01:38:00.000-08:00

If I can answer these four questions at any given time, then I am doing exactly what I am supossed to be.

1.Whats your home group? Cambridge welcome all. Monday nights. 7pm
2.Who is your sponser? Rachel
3.What step are you working? 4
4.What is your service position? GSR for districs 15&16. ICYPAA boston bid Outreach chair.

"The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action." p.17 of the big book.

2007-02-01T00:59:00.000-08:00

I have a hot date with my HP. yep.

Self-knowledge will not keep me sober/midtown

2007-01-31T22:43:00.000-08:00

“Your best thinking got you here.”

Why yes it did. I cannot rely upon my own will; I will get drunk if I do. Individuals get drunk, not groups. I cant we can. That is the truth. I tried for my first year thinking my way into recovery. That based on self-knowledge and a few meetings a month I could stay sober. I did stay sober, but boy was I miserable. And when my boyfriend of a higher power dumped me, I was very close to a drink.

Self-knowledge will not keep me sober & happy. I got sober to be happy & healthy, not to continue to wake up wanting to die.

So when I hear speakers analyze there drinking, or there sobriety, thinking they figured out some deep intellectual reason why they drank, I just laugh & say a prayer for them. It doesn’t matter if your parents beat you, or if you had a great childhood. Why spend time focusing on something you have no control over? All I know is I cannot take a drink in safety. That’s it.

In other news…
I am not much of an AA gossip. I’m here to save my ass. However I find this interesting. If you are from DC, or know about the Midtown group I suggest you check out this myspace page. I don’t have much of an opinion on it since I have never attended the group, but people I know & highly respect who have been there agree much with the opinions expressed on the mysapce page. Check it out.
The fall of the midtown group

ah

2007-01-31T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am so blessed to have a sponsee that is so willing. She really keeps me on my toes.

Fears list

2007-01-31T00:18:00.000-08:00

My sponsor has me do a “fears list” anytime I am resentful at something, or having trouble with something. I thought I would show you guys, I love it. It really helps to get things like this out on paper. When I found out my dad was sick I did one, & I realized that all my fears where around him dying, when in reality I had no basis to think he was going to die. Reading them out loud to another alkie showed me that I had not reason yet to fear his death & that I was getting worked up for no reason. My fear then subsided to a normal level & I was able to be by his side & be a daughter among daughters.

So this is how it goes.

Dear God,

I am resentful at (insert person, place, thing, situation)

I have fear that (insert fear)
(Continue to write, “I have fear that…”)

(At the end of the list of fears write this)
God, I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.

Anyway I thought I would share that with you all! Hope it helps. I usually call another women in the program & read it to her & then tear it up.

gratitude & such

2007-01-30T12:38:00.000-08:00

I need to do a gratitude list. I have been feeling a little off center these past few days. I love that all the sober bloggers do gratitude lists, like Attitude of Gratitude said it keeps him centered. Some days I need some re-centering.

other young sober people
I have a roof over my head even if it is not where I want to be
I can make good choices for myself
I have a beautiful connection with my HP
That the hair I cut off will grow back (hehe)
I can look people in the eye
a woman asked me to be her sponser last night
that I am confident I have something good to give away
& that I can pass this beautiful way of life on to someone else
that I have tools in my life i can use to just be ok!!

I am so psyched to start working with this new girl. That I can bring her to the steps, it is such a gift to help someone else. That everything I have gone through in my life has purpose.

3rd step prayer & such.

2007-01-29T20:57:00.000-08:00

"God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

I absolutely love this prayer. I say it each morning & each night. However I know that actions must be followed after words. My difficulties will not be removed just by asking for them to be. I must reach my hand out to the newcomer, I must do my writing, & I must always take the next right step. My higher power whom I choose to call God puts me exactly where I am supposed to be & gives me exactly what I need, even if it is not always what I want or think I need.

Tonight at my home group the woman who spoke talked about how she would pray to be in a relationship. She however in her prayer did not specify a romantic one, & in return was given many sponsees who taught her about relationships. I too have been in the same spot as of recent. At times I think that I should be in a romantic relationship because I am young, & two years sober, & things in my life are good. Recently though I have had an overwhelming swarm of women & newcomers in my life & it has made me realize that right now I need to focus on these relationships, & when god thinks I am ready for a romantic one he will put me in the right place at the right time with the right person. It is such a good feeling to know exactly where I am at.

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

A drinking life isn't a happy life. Drinking cuts you
off from other people and from God. One of the worst
things about drinking is the loneliness. And one of the
best things about A.A. is the fellowship. Drinking cuts
you off from other people, at least from the people who
really matter to you, your wife and children, your
family and real friends. No matter how much you love
them, you build up a wall between you and them by your
drinking. You're cut off from any real companionship
with them. As a result, you're terribly lonely. Have I got
rid of my loneliness?

Meditation For The Day

I will sometimes go into a quiet place of retreat with
God. In that place, I will find restoration and healing
and power. I will plan quiet times now and then, times
when I will commune with God and arise rested and
refreshed to carry on the work which God has given me
to do. I know that God will never give me a load greater
than I can bear. It is in serenity and peace that all
true success lies.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may strengthen my inner life, so that I
may find serenity. I pray that my soul may be restored
in quietness and peace.
http://www.ipass.net/a1idpirat/readings.html